The ACLU and Preëmptive Pardons Petition

The ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union, is putting out a petition to Shrub (our Unitary Liar-In-Chief) urging him not to further abuse the Constitution and the laws of the land by adding yet another disgusting wrinkle to lawlessness and preëmptively pardoning all the criminals in his administration, including himself.

That got me to thinking, especially because, if we've gotten to know ANYTHING about George the 2nd over the past eight years, it's that he and Acting President Cheney don't give a tinker's dam about the US Constitution, international treaties or the laws of the United States. Or, come to think of it, the laws of any other entity on the planet.

In other words, Shrub is going to issue preëmptive pardons. So here's the petition I'm sending to Shrub.

In Re: PreëmptivePardons and the ACLU Petition

Dear George:

I have no question that, among all the other irresponsible, illegal, impeachable, imprisonable offenses you and Acting President Cheney have committed in your soon-to-be-eight-of-the-worst-years-this-country-has-ever-suffered-under-two-hoodlums-in-the-White-House, that you will issue "preëmptive pardons" to protect your rogues gallery of high-ranking Administration officials for any and all activities related to torture, kidnapping, treason, murder, the explosive demolition of World Trade Center buildings #1, #2 and #7, perjury, theft, embezzlement, etc., etc., etc., and God and the Devil only know what-all else you boys from Klavern or Klatch or Demosthenes 322, "Illuminati With Candlesticks" or whatever, and your minions have committed.

While the ACLU thinks this would be a bad thing, 'n' all that, I know you're going to do it anyway.

However, unlike all your other sloppy, shoddy, irresponsible, what-me-worry? reprehensible actions over the past eight years — and, in fact, throughout your entire life no joke, this is a job you had better do very, very well.

I would say, in fact, that your future freedom -- your freedom to live out your life outside the confines of a prison cell, and likewise, the freedom of all those who have participated with you in these various nefarious activities, might well depend upon how carefully and completely you craft these preëmptive pardons.

Now, I may be wrong on this, of course. But here's why I think you need to be so careful and complete: because the crimes you and yours have committed are not merely those of a rogue administration intent on openly and notoriously stepping over Constitutional limitations in your perpetual efforts to aggrandize your power and wealth and that of those who serve you, and those who, in turn, you serve (and I don’t mean The American People, here, obviously). Nope. Not at all. Instead, these are statutory crimes, as well as crimes against humanity, the prosecutions not curtailed by any statutes of limitation. (Ask not for whom the crimes toll, George, 'cuz they're not agonna toll for you. So to speak.)

And, further, the animus your past eight years have excited in the memories of great swaths of the 90 percent (or more) of ordinary American citizens who have been disadvantaged, harmed, whose loved ones have been killed, by your actions, will likely linger longer than several generations. It is they who will press on with the prosecutions of any and all crimes you do not cover in your preëmptive pardons. So, once more I urge: be very careful, thoughtful, thorough and complete.

You will want to go into unprecedented detail in specifying what the ACLU is anticipating as "an unprecedented misuse of the pardon power."

It's my hunch that you will only be able to get away with this final breach of our core value that "no man is above the law" by setting out in profound detail each and every one of the illegal and potentially prosecutable actions every one of the men and women you pardon have done over the past eight years -- and, in fact, don't stop there. Make sure you've covered each and every putatively punishable act they have made over their entire lives. You won't get this chance again. Ever.

You will want to cover every one of the war profiteers, their graft, fraud, embezzlement, theft. You will want to cover all of the payments, bribes, all things of value accepted by the officials in your government from corporations, foreign governments, friends and enemies alike.

You will want to cover all of the two-faced business contracting (also known as treason) done by our war profiteers who, in the Afghan and Iraq wars, as in World War I and World War II, Korea, Vietnam, South America, Africa, the Middle East, the USSR, Russia, Eastern Europe, and Central America before that, have ever sought to profit from sales and financial arrangements with every side of every conflict, regardless of the consequences to those who happen to be dying, getting maimed or wounded in that conflict.

You will want to cover every single lie that ever left the lips of every member of your administration, because, under the theory that you took an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when you (and they) were sworn into office, you are thus exposed to charges, prosecution and conviction on perjury charges for each and every one of these lies.

You will want to cover every single treasonous, murderous plan, activity and action that went into the planning, execution and cover-up of the events before, during and after the destruction of people, planes and buildings before, during and after September 11, 2001.

This will necessarily include, but not be limited to, every single one of the plans, actions, statements of Dick Cheney, Lynne Cheney, perhaps your wife, cabinet members, all of the members of the CIA and other “intel” entities, the military, the State Department and all other federal and state and municipal agencies involved. This surely will include your brothers Marvin, Jed, etc. It will likely include your father, who in all his years in the CIA has racked up an impressive rap-sheet, perhaps even including his various roles in the events before, during and after the assassinations of foreign leaders, folks like Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., JF Kennedy, RF Kennedy, RF Kennedy Jr., and so on.

You will want to include all of the principals and staff of the Carlyle Group, of the Federal Reserve banks, of the Wall Street corporations that have perpetrated the most recent huge financial hoax on the people of America and the world.

You will want to include the US members of the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund, who at the very least have been accomplices in the intentional impoverishment of virtually every country into which they’ve been allowed admission, as well as in the slaying, executing, disappearing of any and all critics of the companies and despotic governments the IMF and World Bank putatively supports. You will also want to include the companies and their agents that the IMF and World Bank force upon the client nations and who, through fraud, usury and embezzlement, make use of that power, to mulct both the treasury of the United States and the treasuries of the IMF and World Bank “client nations.”

In the cases of Crimes Against Humanity, you will want to include the individuals, both within your own, your father’s and Bill Clinton’s administration, and their actions, who, from behind closed doors at the United Nations, perpetrated one of the greatest 12-year “collective punishment” blockades of a nation — Iraq — perhaps since the siege of Troy or Babylon.

You will want to include all those within your administration, and within Congress and the Judiciary, and in the corporate and private sector, who facilitate similar collective punishment, torture, murder of noncombatant civilians, land theft, etc., and other ordinary crimes and crimes against humanity perpetrated by the Israelis against the Palestinians.

You will want to include all of the members of congress and the judiciary who have dishonored their oaths of office and now stand liable for impeachment and removal from office and permanent prohibition from any further government position, including such luminaries as Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, the senior and junior members of the GOP caucus and the Democratic caucus--unless you want to leave the Democrats twisting, twisting in the wind. However, they may be left twisting with potentially harmful evidence in their possession with which they could make cases against you, members of your administration and members of your now moribund party.

Sphere: Related Content